Mostly I meditate for results, like I was taught to 30 years ago. Results are more than enough. The meditations themselves are pretty humdrum, and experience is an occasional bonus. But since the New Year Retreat I have had quite a bit of experience during meditation. Expanded consciousness, bliss, laughter on transcending, that sort of thing.
The first one, on the retreat one morning, was a real humdinger. At lunch I announced to my man that ‘This morning I experienced myself as the gap between thoughts!’
‘Wow!’ he said. He had fallen asleep.
It was pretty special. We hear a lot about the Self, and it seems like something rather large that we identify with. I’ve had some experience like that. I’ve had the odd witnessing experience as well, which had various aspects of the Self. This was nothing like that. It was little old me, familiar and ordinary, just located between the thoughts and taking up the space there. And then the thoughts started happening in the middle of the space that was me, just like the bubble in the pond and the pond was me, which didn’t disappear even when the thoughts were there. Water doesn’t disappear just because a bubble comes through. Pretty nice.
Comforting, too. If the Self really is me without the capital letter …. hmmm. The implications are intellectually tempting, but on second thoughts, I won’t go there. This was experience, and because it was beyond language and the intellect it spoils the memory to think about it along those lines. So I will leave it at: I liked it. A lot.